Let’s talk for a second about this magnificent couple because, for the love of god, the way how Carter Bays and Craig Thomas treated Swarkles and their shippers is insulting. I mean… they basically fooled the world making us believe they were endgame. And now we have to believe that was all a joke? Hell no.
01x06. Slutty Pumpkin’ - This is what Ted told Robin " one day you’re gonna meet a guy who’s gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot”.
01X14. Zip, Zip, Zip - I dare anyone to watch this episode and not thinking ” wow, they’re awesome together “. This episode is the Swarkles manifesto. It’s everything that makes them them.
Can you imagine Robin smoking cigars and play laser tag with Ted? Oh, wait, she’s not that person anymore. She’s a needy stepmother now.
02x16. Stuff - So, Robin had to getting rid off their dogs because Ted saw in them her ex-boyfriends. What a mature behiavor, right? But he stole a smurf penis for her, so.. everything is legit and now I wonder if he’s gonna do the same in 2030, since she has her dogs again. The point is, who went with her to take the dogs to her aunt’s farm? Ted? No. Barney. ( rewatch the 08x05 episode). Barney who surprised her with PUPPIES when they got back together.
02x18. Moving Day - Are we really going to assume that Ted and Robin are meant to be when they weren’t even capable of living together? Are we really going to believe that? Yeah, of course.
04x14. The Possimpible - Barney finished her video-resume and got her a job. She didn’t get deported in Canada thanks to him.
But yeah, Barney has never done loving things for her…
04x20. Mosbius Designs - This is what Marshall told Barney about him and Robin: “ actually we both think (he and Lily) that you’re kinda perfect for each other “.
This is what Robin said at the end of the episode: "I used to describe my ideal guy as funny, smart, passionate, challenging."
And now tell me that is not the description of Barney.
05x17. Of Course - Robin didn’t want to date anyone after her break-up with Barney. Which says a lot, because we all remember how, after her break-up with Ted, she got together with Gail? Kyle? Oh, right, GAEL. And how she accepted to date Don only when Barney told her " you’re not just another number to me " (how funny, tho, he has a daughter and her mom is, in fact, a number) and promised her that he wouldn’t have slept with Anita. In fact, the Superdate he organized, became a gift for Robin and Don.
But yeah, Barney has never done loving things for her. The return.
05x24. Doppelgangers - Robin got an important job offer in Chicago while she was dating Don. Love vs Career all over again. But what did she choose? She chose love. SHE FREAKING CHOSE LOVE. She chose a man who she was dating from less then a year. And now we are gonna believe that she didn’t fight and didn’t try to save her MARRIAGE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
06x01. Big Days - Robin was still mourning over her break-up with Don and she, well.. she was a complete mess. And Barney teased her, saying that she used to be hot but not anymore. And Robin, hit in her pride, sundressed up.
So we can easily say Barney helped her to move on. BUT HE HAS NEVER DONE LOVING THINGS FOR HER.
06x04. Subway Wars - Robin was depressed and sad because her life is a complete disaster. She wanted to win the race and guess what? Barney let her win.
Of course, now you know I have to say that HE HAS NEVER DONE LOVING THINGS FOR HER.
06x06. Baby Talk - Ted accused Robin of being an independent woman. He wanted a woman who NEEDED him. And Robin wasn’t exactly that. His words hurt her and when she got at Barney’s, he told her the opposite:
" you’re the least needy woman I’ve ever met. That’s awesome. mean, no guy’s gonna say, “Who’s your daddy?” to Robin Scherbatsky. You’re your own daddy. And mommy. And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun blaming stuff on the government. And that is what makes you the most amazing, strong and independent woman I’ve ever banged ".
And with who she did end up with? With the man who wanted her to be something she never was.
06x08. Natural History - Like Zip, Zip, Zip, this is a simply, amazing proof of how much these two have fun together and how much PERFECT they are as couple.
06x21. Hopeless - Barney: ” Robin, you’re dating Ted “.
Yeah, she’s so in love with him. And Barney’s answer to that? " My dad will be all, why don’t you marry Robin? You guys were cute together. Deep down you know you were never happier than when you were with her ".
06x24. Challenge Accepted - Robin’s face when she realized that he was losing Barney because of Nora.
Or maybe she was thinking ” damn, I want my blue french horn back “.
07x01. The Best Man - This need explanations?
Lily : " you and Barney have the kind of chemistry that… just doesn’t go away ". A great concept that got destroyed in 40 minutes during the Finale when they acted like two strangers. Oh yeah.
Robin: " I know we didn’t work out the first time and I know it doesn’t make any sense but I can’t shake the feeling that we belong together". Apparently she shook that feeling as soon as she divorced.
07x09. Disaster Averted - I can’t type anything meaningful because now I just wanna cry.
I MEAN, FOR GOD’S SAKE, HOW CAN I EVEN CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY OF THAT MAN BEING HAPPY AND SATISFIED WITH HIS WOMANIZER STATUS WHEN HE SAID THAT BEAUTIFUL LINE UNDER THE RAIN. HOW.
07x11. Tick, Tick, Tick - Barney saw Robin while this speech:
"When you meet the right person, you know it. You can’t stop thinking about them. They are your best friend, and your soulmate. You can’t wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare".
No one, except for the Wi-Fi.
07x12. Symphony Of Illumination - Robin didn’t want to have kids. Robin didn’t need to have kids to be happy. And the only time she imagined a future involving children… it was a future with Barney. (Look at these beautiful pieces of applepie).
And of course, how did she end up? Raising another man’s kids. Okay.
07x17. No Pressure - They freaking gave the chance to T/R to get back together. AND THEY DIDN’T. And you know why?
“So this is not gonna happen, is it? “
" Sorry ".
" It’s because of Barney ".
BUT HEY, in 2030 it is gonna happen because… um… well… oh yes, they’re both alone and miserable. Perfect love story.
08x01. Farhampton - Barney kept all the stuff that reminded him of his relationship with Robin, who cried when she opened that box.
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz, REMEMBER? Yes? Well, it was just bullshit. Have a good day.
08x06. Splitsville - So now it’s normal that a person who said this:
suddenly was okay with losing the love of his life and getting back to chase women. Goodbye, character development. Goodbye, coherence.
08x12. The Final Page part 2 - Robin went to damn roof. ROBIN WENT THERE BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE WITH BARNEY. He proposed and she said YES. Remember when Kevin proposed? She doubted. Remember when she thought Ted was proposing? She said ” nononononononononononono, Ted you can’t do this to me, no no !”.
SHE SAID IMMEDIATELY YES TO BARNEY BECAUSE SHE LOVED HIM AND WANTED A LIFE WITH HIM.
08x13. Band or Dj - For the first time, Robin’s dad apologized to her. And that thanks to Barney.
" Barney made it happen. He must really love me ".
….. and yes, it’s time for: BUT BARNEY HAS NEVER DONE LOVING THINGS FOR HER.
08x14. Ring Up - The true power of the ring, when that special person to you looks brighter than anyone else.
" Robin realized the true power of the ring "
08x19. The Fortress - Funny quote from Robin: ” Relationships are about trust and compromise “. Yet she forgot what compromise is, because with a right compromise, her marriage would have worked.
But hey, Barney in this episode was willing in giving in his apartment to find a new one with Robin. AND HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE ALONE AGAIN. Ha! Irony. But Robin refused it, because ” if I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you’re not gonna be the man I fell in love with “.
09x01. The Locket - Barney: " our wedding is gonna be legendary ". Robin: “ no wait for it? “ Barney: " I’ve got you. I don’t have to wait for it anymore ".
09x02. Coming Back - Barney: " I don’t need them to make me believe in true love. I’ve got you for that, now " .
THAT’S FUNNY BECAUSE I NEEDED SWARKLES TO MAKE ME BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE AND NOW WHAT I’VE GOT? WHAT?
09x08. The Lighthouse - " Mom, I’m not marrying some future possibility of starting a family. I’m marrying a girl - who means more to me than kids. OR MY CAREER ".
But who apparently means less than WI-FI, right Carter and Craig? And guess what, he redeemed himself ‘cause of a kid. The only thing Robin couldn’t give him. Ha ha. Let’s all laugh.
09x09. Platonish - Tracy: " Do you wanna keep playing or do you wanna win? " Barney : " I wanna win ".
YES. HE WON AND THEN LOST EVERYTHING AND TRACY DIED. HAPPY ENDING.
09x12. The Rehearsal Dinner - This was my favourite episode ever. Robin wanted to get married in Canada but it wasn’t possible. So Barney organized that BEAUTIFUL, TOUCHING surprise canadian rehearsal dinner.
….. BUT THIS IS NOTHING COMPARED TO A SMURF PENIS. AND BARNEY HAS NEVER DONE LOVING THINGS FOR HER.
Excuse me while I’m in the verge of tears.
Okay, I’m fine. (No I’m not).
09x15. Unpause - " I love Robin more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I’m going to do everything I can to make her happy. For a long time, deep down, I felt sort of.. broken? But I don’t feel that way, anymore. Robin has made me 100% awesome ".
He wanted to make her happy. HE WANTED TO MAKE HER HAPPY AND THEN YOU TELL US THAT HE DIDN’T WANT TO TRAVEL WITH HER?? NO.
Oh, friendly reminder he’s now broken again. You’re welcome.
09x22. The End Of The Aisle - They got married. Carter and Craig planned a T/R endgame from the beginning and still they made Swarkles get married. And we all believed in their love. BECAUSE THEIR FACES. THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. TELL ME WHEN ROBIN LOOKED AT TED IN THE SAME WAY SHE LOOKED AT BARNEY.
So, now, Carter and Craig, we should forget all of this? We should forget all this fairytale and accept that they wouldn’t have worked together? That Robin never loved Barney as much as she loved Ted? That only a child would have made Barney change? NEVER. THIS was the real couple the show. Two people who had a difficult childhood, two people who grew up and fell in love and change for the better. Two people who supported, loved each other for who they really were. THIS IS WHAT IS TRUE TO LIFE. Not a widower who kept chasing after his ex-girlfriend holding a stupid french horn since ever. Not a woman who was always proud of her independence and her dreams who suddenly found herself alone and desperate. Not a man who couldn’t change for the woman he always loved.